I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
