you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
