I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize