walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
