Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
