man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
The air was thick with penises
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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