I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Someone came in the potted fern
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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