You made me cry and you don't even care
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
