last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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