How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
