i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Too much gin, very little bucket
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize