you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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