good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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