the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
