whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
