I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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