Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
