omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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