never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
