we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
