It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
