my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Girls should come with a carfax report
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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