So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
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