The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
All I want is dick and wine.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
