was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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