He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
