Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
