you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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