My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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