Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
