Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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