we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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