she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
