id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
