I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
