Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
