Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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