I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
