Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
