I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
