he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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