Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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