so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
