I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
