You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
MIDGETS
????
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
