Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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