so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
