You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
