I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
