My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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