dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
