Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
