I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
