Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
