Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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