If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
