I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize