I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
