Your face is a jimmy john
My hand turned me down
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
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