I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
