those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
