At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I want her autograph on my taint
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
