do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
