should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
