think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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