my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
