Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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