i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
