Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
