dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
