sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
