when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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