that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
