I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
