I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize