This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
