can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
